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Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Feebee - 9 DPO

I'm in turmoil. Started having fairly heavy AF pains last night. They have subsided this morning but are still with me. This could be implantation or it could be the imminent arrival of the dreaded AF. So, I might be pregnant or I might not be. The pain is not the same as the lower abdomen ache I had at this stage last month; it is the all over torso ache, accompanied by a mild sick feeling, I get when AF arrives. The one positive is that there has been no bleeding, only clear CM when I wipe. I did get one spot of red blood with my cramps last month, no sign of that today. I am terrified of AF, and have been running off to the loo to wipe every hour. In fact, I'm so nervous I feel as if I have to give a perfomance or talk for which I am completely unprepared.

I wish I had a symptom to cling to. I still have that slight ache behind my boobs, but no pain when I touch them. I did have to get up to pee twice during the night, but I put that down to my AF terror keeping me awake. I'm not hungry, not nauseous, not tired. Only a tiny bit of creamy CM on my pants. You may have gathered from my early posts that I was almost certain I was pregnant. Now I'd give myself a 50-50 chance at best.

I tested with an OPK yesterday evening. When there was no 2nd line whatsoever after about 5 mins, guess what I did next? BFN, not even evap line. Same routine again this morning, same result. I had a vague panic that Saturday's test may have been a very, very slight positive and that I'd had a chemical pregnancy, but it is unlikely that I implanted on or before 6dpo and there was enough HCG in my system to register at that stage.

I think the secret to maximising your sanity during the 2ww is to hold off testing for as long as possible. The first HPT opens the floodgates and it's almost impossible to go a day without testing after that. My advice is to HPT addicts is to try and get to 8 or 9dpo before the madness begins. Only 3 HPTs left.


At 11:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Word Handler II
Turns out it was Word Handler II, which I tracked down thanks to recognizing its cover in an image attached to an eBay auction of old Apple stuff.
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At 11:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh feck off World Handler!

Feebee, sorry to hear you're going through such hell. I think the best thing to do is say in your head "ok, I'm not pg but i'm not going to grieve about till I know for sure" and then **do not test** for as long as you can possibly hold out. Give Dh your hpt's (I never tell Dh about all the daft hpt's I do). I'm testing on Sunday if you want a testing buddy?

At 11:27 AM, Blogger Feebee said...

Thanks D

Don't know how I'd last until Sun but will take it one day at a time and say I won't test tomorrow. As soon as I press "Publish" I will have committed myself to it, and would look pathetic if I caved in and tested. Here goes...

At 12:08 PM, Blogger Sadie said...

Hey feebee, doing my daily check in....its so awful for you but I remember feeling exactly the same...I really thought I lost my symptoms between 9dpo and 12dpo..(even tried checking my CP...what a waste of time that was!)..this horrible limbo land is just a nightmare and especially as you have been through so much..the testing cycle is very hard to break so certainly we don't think you are pathetic for caving in...(mrs 9 tests speaking)..am keeping everything crossed for you... 5 more days to go...hang on in :)

At 12:46 PM, Blogger Feebee said...

Thanks Sadie. In desperation I just checked my CP for the first time ever. I have nothing to compare it to but it seemed low and firm. Googled "cervical position low firm" and it asked did I want "cervical position law firm". I said ok and it turns out that there are certain cervical positions that are litigious! I digress, low and firm=bad but probably not at this stage of pregnancy. It did seem closed but I didn't want to go poking around too much.

At 2:46 PM, Blogger Sadie said...

feebee, reading your posts reminds me so much of me!!! the googling, the testing, the poking, the cm analysis....I found the CP thing a load of bo**ox as it is apparently supposed to be high and closed but as I never felt it before, I didn't know where high should be!!! there is nothing for it only waiting it out...wish I had a load of tests I could give you and you could pee away to your hearts content....still think it looks quite positive for you as you mention a load of things I noted...
will check in again tomorrow for the latest installment...better than soap

At 4:52 PM, Blogger Feebee said...

I hope my story ends like yours did Sadie! I see you have plenty of pregnancy symptoms now, you lucky girl!!


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