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Monday, April 24, 2006

I can't go on. I'll go on

Was woken up this morning by AF pains. Blah blah yadda yadda yadda...


At 2:20 AM, Blogger Beth said...

Oh Feebee I am sorry. This flat out blows.

At 11:41 AM, Anonymous rachemm said...

but hold on, you dont have AF, so enjoy this day as if you are preg. Enough time to stress when (if) it actually comes.

At 11:50 AM, Blogger Feebee said...

I wrote that post yesterday, no AF today so I will pretend that I am pregnant. After I've had my coffee.

At 12:01 PM, Anonymous Amber said...

How does your husband cope with all of this?
Does he read your blog?
I remember when TTC wasn't working out for me that my husband could not understand and I was too teary and too angry with the world to begin to explain to him......

Do enjoy that coffee.....and here's to hoping!
Good luck.

At 12:26 PM, Anonymous lisau said...

Hey Feebee..I am back...will be madly unpacking & dusting today as the dogs left their furry marks. Had great fun & relaxation will upload pictures soon. I am wishing you luck!
Lily has hernia surgery tomorrow so I will probably pop back tomorrow night after she's in bed to fully catch up. I didn't chart or OPK while on vacation..will OPK today, day 12 for kicks. Again,hoping for you...

At 1:17 PM, Blogger Feebee said...

Welcome back Lisa! Glad to hear you had a great time and dying to see your photos. Poor little Lily, hope all goes well tomorrow. Was hoping you might have had some good news while you were away, but will hold that thought for another week or two.

Amber - how's your TTC going?
My husband is really busy this year. It is really good for him, as it keeps his mind off things, but it means that he doesn't really get involved in the day to day worry, so feels like his main job is to comfort me every month. I asked him last night if he ever held out hope towards the end of the month and he said, no, he doesn't expect anything any more, he just dreads the news and my inevitable breakdown. I think he will be the most surprised person of all if/when it eventually happens.

At 2:10 PM, Anonymous Amber said...

That was always what I hated when TTC last time around the dreaded thing that I was the one who had to tell him 'no not this month' each time and then he would say the most stupid thing, or the best thing in the world and it didn't matter as I felt there was no way he could understand how I was feeling.
TBh have not got started on the whole TTC thing yet properly as we are in the middle of building, house selling and trying to move so I simply could not add in TTC to the mix or I would be a complete emotional wreck.
I prefer to rely on people on website forums such as this when I am TTC as it feels like I can be more honest when I don't have to worry about sparing anyone's feelings like I would when talking to my husband.
I am a faily emotional person at the best of time anyway it must be said.
My oldest DD has gotten wind that we are hoping for a new baby and is not one bit impressed...in fact she is dead set against the idea.
She is the centre of my universe and has ben since the moment she was conceived so I am putting off the whole TTC thing partly to spare her feelings, if DH knew he would hit the roof as I already spol her rotten.

At 5:47 PM, Anonymous lisau said...

Hi Feebee,
How are you doing? Very true essay on fertility/infertility.
It is interesting how we make the assumption that we will become pregnant & have our desired number of children without thinking about the possibility that it doesn't always come easily & for some not at all. I never even thought about miscarraige or fertility. I never dreamed I would be trying post 40. And perhaps most amazingly even with so many miscarraiges I just assumed that when I tried to become pregnant last year I would! Maybe I would have a miscarraige or two but I would have that baby eventually. It is amazing how painful it is to realize it most likely won't happen- and at the same time I often feel like I don't have the right to the pain because I have been so blessed. I think in some way it is an identity issue..I have wrapped my fertility into my vision of myself .
At any rate I have begun the process of putting my fertility in perspective-to realizing my worth as a person is seperate from my ability to bear children & to embrace
my family as is more fully. I will not avoid conception but am just taking it down some notches.

Feebee,when are your upcoming appointments happening? It will be good to get things addressed and move to other steps if you need to. I have lost track of your current cycle-what is happening? Beautiful photos of your son & you! We had a lovely vacation. The island we went to is state owned & 67% must remained undeveloped so lot's to see. Alligators up close & a lovely pond with hundreds of nesting storks & herons. it was very moving as you could see these huge nests with the mothers attending their young.

Lily is well but sore as her hernia was huge. She was truely out of it yesterday but much better today.The Dr. said in the case of girls the hernia opening sometimes allows an ovary to come through! Amazing my emotional response to the idea of something effecting Lily's future fertility.We have a great children's hospital here though & she is all fixed up!

More later..take care,

At 10:34 AM, Anonymous Amber said...

Lisa, I have a mega irrational fear of aligators....cannot even look at a picture of one, my ultimate horor would be to get up close and personal.

When my sister was little she used to suffer really bad migraines and still does.
It turns out they are linked to her hormones and she has been througn all sorts of procedures to correct things in the hope of improving her quality of life.
She goes through hell on earth once a month with migraine and sometimes once a week.
She always coped with it really well though she has come to be defined by her migraines.
She conceived her first son very easily much to her shock as she had been prepared for a long wait and possibly not conceiving.
Anyway complications arose and she nearly died when he was born, it was touch and go for her and for him he was very premature.
She is so so brave though and she was in hospital recovering when she was struck by a migraine attack which literally leaves her incapacitated.
She got pregnant for a second time and has recently suffered a miscarriage and it is as if mother nature is mocking her as she has had crippling migraines while she was loosing her much longed for second baby.....
Fertility is something I personally never take for granted seeing how she has suffered over the years.
She has been almost skeletal at times and sometimes bloated out on steroids and hormone pills.
She is in some sort of terrible place at the moment as she is struck by how unfair life is......she not only has suffered a terrible loss but her fluctuating hormones mean she is racked by migraines while she is trying to come to terms with her loss.
I can remember my parents praying for a cure for her when she was little and never knew the long term effects this would have.
Not sure where that came from but felt the need to say it as she is not someone you could easily talk to about things.......

At 10:14 AM, Blogger Feebee said...

Lisa - your trip sounds great, make sure you send me a link to your pics.

You have every right to feel pain for the child you want so much. I know some people think I should just be greatful as I have one already - a close friend told me something along those lines. I can't explain how I feel to people who think like that, so I can only imagine how hard it is for you.

I also assumed I would have another one, one way or another. When I had my m/c, my worst thought was that I may have to go through a m/c for every live birth I had - I thought, maybe that's just my lot in life. If only it was. I'm pretty sure now that our only hope is IUI/IVF. I am on CD2 today and next appt is 22 May - probably not in time to do anything for the next cycle, but hopefully the one after that.

Amber - that's terribly sad about your sister. I'm sure she's done everything she can to find a cure, so it's hard to believe that that she still has to suffer so much. Does she have anyone to talk to about the m/c? It does help to know that so many other people go through it, although I can only imagine how unfair your sister feels it is, given that she has already suffered so much. Does she use the Internet - it has certainly saved my life at times. I don't know how I would deal with m/c and infertility if I didn't have people to talk to who are going through the same thing. My heart goes out to her and to you too.


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