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Sunday, May 07, 2006

Uncomfortably numb

I haven't been posting much recently because, well, I just haven't got anything left to say. I'm numb on the outside these days. I get up, I go to work, I play with DS, cuddle him, count my blessings. But inside there is a pain, it never goes away, and it takes all my effort to get through the day without it cutting right through me.

I still can't believe this is happening. I can't believe that I am the person who has written the words above. I can't believe it hurts so much.

I found a lump a few days ago. I haven't had it checked out, I've barely thought about it. It's probably nothing, and if it's not, my only concern is how it might affect TTC.

Infertility was always my greatest fear, anything else should be a walk in the park.

Update: it has been mentioned to me that my last comment is a bit insensitive, so if I had offended anyone, I am truly sorry. I have no first-hand experience of cancer (lump is probably a cyst, but we're keeping an eye on it), and I can only imagine how traumatic it must be.


At 2:13 AM, Anonymous lisau said...

Hi Feebee,
I am a lousy one for lecturing on getting things looked into as I tend to avoid doing so & wait for pains etc. to "go away" but please take care of yourself. I am sorry that you are in such emotional pain-I have been feeling very down myself..the usual new cycle blues...it is amazing how almost primal the urge to bring new life into the world is. Huge hugs from me & wishes for better days ahead-
take care,

At 4:54 PM, Blogger Feebee said...

I think it's just a swollen lymph node - has been getting smaller so will probably just disappear on its own. I usually get these things checked out straight away, to put my mind at rest, but it seems nothing can supercede TTC as the number one thing to think about these days.

Big hugs to you too. The new cycle blues suck.

At 5:15 PM, Blogger Beth said...

Feebee - Regardless, please go and get it checked. It may very well be just a lymph node - but please go anyways for the peace of mind.


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