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Thursday, June 22, 2006

Please let me explain

I got pulled up, probably deservedly so, on yesterday's comment, "Why can't miscarriages be reserved for those who can conceive easily?". Let me explain.

I know a m/c is a terrible ordeal for anyone, but the pain is healed somewhat by becoming pregnant again, or so I am told by those who have conceived fairly easily after m/c.

My m/c was a horrible ordeal that I never expected to go through, but one that I hoped I could move on from within a short amount of time; not forget, just move on, become pregnant again, and start to heal. 13 cycles on this has still not happened.

There are now tens of women on the message board I frequent (well, the one I still check into resignedly) who have miscarried since me and become pregnant again - I know a couple of these personally. They will never forget the babies they lost, but they are now able to look forward in their lives. They have a future with a new baby to hope and dream for; I do not and D does not. We do not know if this will ever happen as we are both part of infertile couples, on the wrong side of 35, and with a history of m/c.

Myself and D have discussed how our miscarriages have become a drop in the ocean of pain we suffer daily. Every failed cycle now feels like a m/c, and every failed cycle brings us closer to the end of the line.

If I had conceived soon after my m/c I would be a different person to the one I am now, I would still be the optimistic, cheerful person I used to be.

Miscarriage is hard for anyone, no matter how you look at it. But facing a future where you may never conceive again is like cutting off all access to the outside world; it is the pain of a loss that will last forever.


At 3:59 PM, Anonymous Amber said...

I just wondered, this is something that just came to me when I was searching for information on iron to try to get some sort of a boost, how much emphasis you place on nutrition in relation to fertility?

At 4:58 PM, Blogger Feebee said...

I have gone through all the do's and don'ts of fertility at one stage or another. I've had cycles where I ate well, didn't drink coffee or alcohol and took all the required supplements. It didn't make me pregnant.

I think it's important to have a decent level of nutrition in general, but I don't think it's enough to change your dietary habits if you have a specific problem that needs to be fixed. I can eat all the fruit and veg in the world and it's not going to fix DH's sperm or my short LPs.

I think nutrition can help you create the best possible environment for conception, so it may help you conceive sooner rather than later, but only if everything is in already in working order.

Having said that, I'm going to give it my best shot this month and eat and drink sensibly.

At 10:44 AM, Anonymous Amber said...

I was just thinking about this....I have an appointment with
my Gp this evning to establish why my iron levels will not increase despite eating well, at least what I consider well....
taking supplements etc.


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