Please let me explainI got pulled up, probably deservedly so, on yesterday's comment, "Why can't miscarriages be reserved for those who can conceive easily?". Let me explain.
I know a m/c is a terrible ordeal for anyone, but the pain is healed somewhat by becoming pregnant again, or so I am told by those who have conceived fairly easily after m/c.
My m/c was a horrible ordeal that I never expected to go through, but one that I hoped I could move on from within a short amount of time; not forget, just move on, become pregnant again, and start to heal. 13 cycles on this has still not happened.
There are now tens of women on the message board I frequent (well, the one I still check into resignedly) who have miscarried since me and become pregnant again - I know a couple of these personally. They will never forget the babies they lost, but they are now able to look forward in their lives. They have a future with a new baby to hope and dream for; I do not and D does not. We do not know if this will ever happen as we are both part of infertile couples, on the wrong side of 35, and with a history of m/c.
Myself and D have discussed how our miscarriages have become a drop in the ocean of pain we suffer daily. Every failed cycle now feels like a m/c, and every failed cycle brings us closer to the end of the line.
If I had conceived soon after my m/c I would be a different person to the one I am now, I would still be the optimistic, cheerful person I used to be.
Miscarriage is hard for anyone, no matter how you look at it. But facing a future where you may never conceive again is like cutting off all access to the outside world; it is the pain of a loss that will last forever.