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Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Some good news at last

Finally, a pregnancy announcement that doesn't make me feel like vomiting. (Apologies to non-infertile pregnant readers - I do love you but it's NOT FAIR!) One of my best infertile buddies, D, is finally pregnant! I feel great that I feel great - was afraid that the last drop of compassion may have been bled out of me somewhere along this rocky road. It seems I'm still capable of riding the BFP wave. Oh look, what's that shimmering in the distance? Could it be, my god, I think it's babydust - gonna grab me some of that.

Now some catchup: HSG was fine. It was about as uncomfortable as a smear - there was a small amount of pain when the speculum went into my cervix and that was it. Didn't feel the dye at all and no cramping afterwards, just a small amount of spotting for a couple of days. Most painful part of the procedure was having to pay the bill. And all is well, as expected, so IUI next cycle. CD14 now and no sign of O. So last week's follicle must have been a cyst.

And finally, it's that boy again...
Beautiful boyBeautiful boysBeautiful boy


At 9:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you feel that some infertile women who have no children at all then feel negative towards you as you do have one.
IS that NOT FAIR then either?

At 11:26 AM, Blogger Feebee said...

I expect so. My personal feelings are that this would be much harder for me if I didn't have a child already, both from the point of view of the comfort that he brings and also the fact that I know I can carry a baby to term. But there are issues on both sides - I am missing part of my son's life because of what infertility is doing to us, no matter how hard I try not to let it interfere. I thought I would be the best mother in the world and I can't be because there are times when I have to cry and when I feel so defeated that I can barely raise a smile. I also thought I would be able to provide DS with a sibling and I can't do that either - he's the only one of his friends that doesn't at least have one in the post.

Infertility was always my biggest fear, but the fear was that I might never have children - I didn't really know about secondary infertility until it happened to me. So I do have a child, and we are also infertile. It's not as bad as I feared, I don't have to face a childless future and I can't imagine how hard that pain must be. If there are readers who resent me because their pain is greater than mine, then that's their right to feel like that and I have nothing but compassion for what they must be going through.

But this is still fucking awful.

At 12:11 PM, Anonymous Amber said...

Hey there, I took a year to conceive number two and thought it was never going to happen, number one was still only a baby but still I just assumed as she was a happy accident it would happen just as easily second time around. It is imposible not to concentrate on wanting a baby when you make up your mind to try.
No matter if you had ten children already I think the minute you decide you want another baby then this sort of longing and need takes over.
I am about to TTC number three, hoping to get the go ahead tomorrow from GP, not sure how long he/she will take to appear but I know in my heart from the moment we get the go ahead from the GP I will be thinking well nine months from today I could have a baby and figuring out when I would take maternity leave etc. I know if it takes a while or God forbid does not happen I will be caught up in all the emotions TTC brings.
I am almost afraid to start TTC because of this.
I feel when you are TTC you cannot have too much spare compassion and emotion left over for other women no matter what their pain or grief is as you get so consumed.
I was TTC for a year and it felt like someone was mocking us for the fact that number one was conceived so easily.

At 2:53 PM, Anonymous lisau said...

I am so glad that your IUI will happen next cycle if needed. What did they say as to your HSG results? I assume as you had no cramping that your tubes were clear which is reassuring.Hurray for your friend!
As to the rest of this discussion...those of us who are trying to conceive children are doing so with love in our hearts.If we have no children it hurts because we long for the experience. If we have a child or children and have treasured the experience and have room in our lives for another we hurt because we do know what the experience has brought us & what we can bring to a child. The capacity for love is not limited. Yes,I have 4 children and long for another. I realize how blessed I am on a daily basis but this does not mean it doesn't hurt that my ability to conceive another may be beyond my control. I think weighing pain is fruitless. All of us are different..I certainly can understand why a women trying for her first would find it hard to understand why I felt pain. It does seem more productive to me to support each other as women rather than negate anyone's feelings. I do believe envy is a human emotion that we all experience-part of life-but we can feel it on one level and still truely wish each other well. Each life to be should be celebrated! Good luck to you Amber & anon wherever you might be in your journey.

On another note..my water broke 12 years ago today at 1:00 am ..at 4 :35 pm my firstborn son came into the world. Nick is amazing..and still does not go to bed without hugging me goodnight.

Feebee..I think you are really making progress here.
and of course as always your son is delicious!

take care,

At 3:24 PM, Blogger Feebee said...

Amber - good luck tomorrow!

Lisa - Happy Birthday to Nick!

Haven't got official HSG report yet but the doc told me on the day that everything looked fine and he didn't expect to find any problems on closer inspection. Yes, I'm starting to feel like we may be making progress. Btw, did you get my email?

At 12:00 PM, Anonymous Amber said...

Just back from GP and no, I cannot proceed as yet, did the pin prick test and my iron is still stubbornly low....he also took blood so we will see what the lab thinks when the results come back but unlikely to be radically diferent.
I have been religious about taking my iron so really miffed over this.
Part of me is saying sod it, go to a different GP and take out the mirena and go ahead.....but the logical part of me knows I have to be sensible and wait.

At 3:45 PM, Blogger Feebee said...

Sorry to hear that Amber - it might still be worth getting a 2nd opinion, even if it's not what you want to hear.

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