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Monday, July 31, 2006

Thankful

Still pregnant. And no matter how anxious I am about the lack of symptoms, it is so, so much better than not being pregnant. When I see the pain that some of my TTC buddies are still going through, I feel a mixture of overwhelming gratitude that I have been so lucky, and anger and helplessness that I can do nothing to change their situations.

I am starting to thaw out. I can feel the blood draining back into my face and my fingers. I still walk around in a bubble, separated from the rest of the world, but it's possible I won't need it forever. I have the energy to pretend to be normal now; I don't expect I will ever be completely normal, but I'm hoping people won't notice the difference. I visited two friends recently who insisted on talking about pregnancy, birth, babies - I joined in, offered advice, never mentioned infertility. See, normal.

Of course the "oops, we weren't even trying" comments still cut me to the bone. I can't join in happy, clappy message board banter, as I know too much. But in my own silent way, I am rejoicing.

8 Comments:

At 1:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know what you mean about the mesage board banter. I have stopped reading those msg boards - even TTC for 2 cycles has gotten to me. Maybe I am just stressing too much about it.
As for me I have bad news. I had a bfn at 17 dpo and I called my OB GYN about why AF hadnt arrived. She asked me to do a serum beta HCG (blood test) which was predictably also negative at 18dpo (I was relieved about that as was worrying about unviable/ ectopic pregnancy etc.). She would have given me medication to induce AF today but AF arrived today on her own. I feel better - my bbs dont hurt anymore and I am glad the wait is over.
I am meeting my OB GYN next week in any case as I want to figure out why my cycles are so long. I never used to be more than 26-28 days but now am 33-35. Will also use OPKs this cycle to see if I am ovulating (I think I am - charts show a clear thermal shift). Any useful advice?
My only 2 cents worth of advice is enjoy every moment of this pregnancy. In trying to protect yourself from what could potentially go wrong dont miss out on all the things that are going right. Wishing you a happy and healthy 9 months. NYC

 
At 3:10 PM, Blogger Becki said...

I'm sure that bubble will be around for a while but hopefully will get thinner and thinner as time goes by. I'm sure you cannot wait till the scan this week but am also scared at the same time! I pray that it brings you lots of relief and lots of happy tears!

 
At 3:51 PM, Blogger PortLairge said...

Hi Feebee
I think your scan is this week. What day is it? That will go a long way to making you feel better. Good luck with that.

 
At 4:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wish you all luck for thursday. NYC

 
At 2:10 PM, Anonymous lisau said...

One day at a time,right? You hit 6 weeks today. I hit 7 weeks tomorrow. I hope your baby shows itself on Thursday. Remember if things haven't developed to that point to remind them of YOUR feeling of how far long you are.I wish they had waited til Monday only because I don't want you to worry.At the least they will see the sac etc.
As for the symptom thing, just remember that every pregnancy is different.With Helena I had not a symptom to be found..seriously not ONE..no sore breasts,no nausea, no cramping,no spotting,NOTHING. I've never been one to have a lot of them but really I was searching for something with Helena!
Keep rejoicing,
Lisa

 
At 9:49 PM, Blogger Feebee said...

NYC - sorry to hear it hasn't worked out for you this cycle. I'm afraid I have no advice about stopping stressing as I was also up the walls after 2 unsuccessful cycles. All you can do is temp, OPKs, watch CM and hope for the best. I don't really have any advice about what worked for me, as the answer to that is IUI. I was drinking green tea, taking Udo's oil and using estrogen cream, but I'm not sure what part they played. Acupuncture may have helped. Good luck!

Becki and Portlairge - scan is Thurs, only one more day to go! I have a feeling it will be ok but I won't see a heartbeat. Will let you know.

Lisa - I'm so delighted and excited that you've got to 7 weeks. Despite what my doc said, I'm still basing my pregnancy on O/IUI date, so only really feel 5w3d. Today is the day I started to miscarry last time, so relieved to have got through the day. Haven't been testing/temping since last week, but caved in earlier and did a HPT - strongest line yet. So the hormones are there, they're just not making me feel sick. Are you just sitting tight and waiting it out? Have you got a scan/appt coming up?

 
At 2:53 PM, Anonymous lisau said...

Feebee,
It is good to get past that date. My first miscarraige happened at 10 weeks but the pregnancy most likely ended at 8- so for me the big goal is to get past that 8 week point. I am actually feeling pretty confident most of the time now with fewer moments of panic. (they come mainly because I realize how attached I am at this point). I don't want to be aloof from this so I am risking my heart.
That's life though,right?
I am sitting tight until next week, then I will make my appointment..I really wanted to find someone who was sympathetic to pregnancy at my age & would allow birth
as natural as possible.I think I have a good candidate so
will be calling Monday. I do have a home doppler that I got with Lily's pregnancy (I had had 2 miscarraiges immediately before I conceived her)so..I may give that a try right at 8 weeks. (Once I have my first appointment I should have a scan to look for genetic stuff somewhere between 11-13 weeks..also as many OB's have scans in their offices it is possible that I might have a brief in office scan)I'd actually love to do home birth but my husband would literally pass out and as much as my 12 year old son could probably handle it, I don't think that would be legal & would undoubtably scar him for life (lol).
I may ask a friend who is a nurse to be a doula for me.
Oh Feebee...I am just so happy for the both of us right now & wish the best for everyone else who is going through the emotional & crazy-making experience of trying to conceive.
Looking forward to hearing about your appointment tomorrow,
Lisa

 
At 12:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Best regards from NY! » »

 

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