ThankfulStill pregnant. And no matter how anxious I am about the lack of symptoms, it is so, so much better than not being pregnant. When I see the pain that some of my TTC buddies are still going through, I feel a mixture of overwhelming gratitude that I have been so lucky, and anger and helplessness that I can do nothing to change their situations.
I am starting to thaw out. I can feel the blood draining back into my face and my fingers. I still walk around in a bubble, separated from the rest of the world, but it's possible I won't need it forever. I have the energy to pretend to be normal now; I don't expect I will ever be completely normal, but I'm hoping people won't notice the difference. I visited two friends recently who insisted on talking about pregnancy, birth, babies - I joined in, offered advice, never mentioned infertility. See, normal.
Of course the "oops, we weren't even trying" comments still cut me to the bone. I can't join in happy, clappy message board banter, as I know too much. But in my own silent way, I am rejoicing.