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Friday, September 29, 2006

Limbo

Pregnancy Loss is a very lonely spot. Parenting message boards do have a place for it, but it's not a very busy board. You can post your sad news, and then lots of people who've never lost a child will say how sorry they are, and plenty of people who had losses, but probably a long time ago, will offer support and words of wisdom. And that's it.

You're on your own after that, until you can start trying again. Nowhere to go during the dark days between loss and and the renewal of hope. For infertiles, that can be a long time.

The birth clubs are full of people going through the same experiences at the same time. The TTC boards also. Places full of support and empathy and understanding. Pregnancy Loss residents arive alone and leave alone soon after.

I've often seen it said on my preferred parenting message board, that people who've suffered a loss or can't conceive shouldn't be on a parenting board in the first place. Some of us already have children and participate in other areas of the board, but nobody in the world imagines in that first flush of excitement when they invest in the board, that they will end up in the Pregnancy Loss or Infertility sections. It takes a long time and many close friendships to get there. Should we just leave quietly now?

Maybe there should be a Limbo section, for people who just feel like shit, for whatever reason. Where we can rant and rave all day about how crap we feel. I want a message board like that. At least I have my blog.

4 Comments:

At 4:28 PM, Anonymous Amber said...

I wish there was somthing I could say to take awy the sense of hopelessness but I know there isnt.
So thinking of you.
Amber

 
At 12:58 AM, Anonymous lisau said...

Feebee,
You are right..there should be a place to let it all out (actually my hippie mom board kind of does a lot of that). Trouble is sometimes weeks go by where you could easily type "This still sucks" on a daily basis & I guess we end up feeling obligated to be upbeat even when we don't want to be.
If you do find a place where everyone is in the same crappy boat (I have one- a group for post 40 repeat loss-it ends up being so gloomy you don't want to be there!)
So maybe the blog is best.
The whole board thing does end up reflecting real-life with all the pettiness that can ensue..but support & friendships as well.Anyway..not much profound here today. I am post
O and starting the wait. I am feeling amazingly detached right now-we will see how it holds up.
hugs to you,
Lisa

 
At 10:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Feebee,
fuck it fuck it fuck it,
I know that hollow feeling. I wish I could add something more constructive, but just know that there is hope, its just in hiding at the moment.

E

 
At 12:34 PM, Blogger Feebee said...

Yeah, it sucks. I think I'm allergic to fertility clinics, they bring me out in a mental rash. Funny how I coped ok with the dead baby stuff, but freaked out at the first sign of trouble from the clinic. Am over it now. An extra month is not the end of the world. I will compensate by drinking heavily for the month. And eating soft cheese and peanuts.

 

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