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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

No, No, No

Oh God, my safety net is gone. No IUI for at least 2 cycles. For my own good. Can barely hold it together to type, more tears than the day of the scan. There is NO WAY I can get through the next two months with no hope of a pregnancy. NO WAY. Fuck all the positive things I said before, fuck fuck fuck. They were the words of a woman with hope.

How can it be for my own good??? The only thing keeping me going was the thought of another chance. The miscarriage didn't quite kill me emotionally, but no hope of a pregnancy before Christmas is sure to finish me off.


At 8:08 AM, Anonymous Treelo said...

Oh Feebee, I'm so sorry to hear that. I was really hoping you would get pg next cycle, not that it would replace the baby you lost but it would be yet another step on the road towards having a baby. I know 2 cycles seems like forever to wait but hang in there honey, we're all rooting for you pet.
You're son is amazing by the way, what a fantastic kid. He WILL make a wonderful big brother one day.

At 9:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know I must have said this a million times before but your son is adorable! I know 2-3 cycles seems like forever and its the last thing you need right now, but it will go by and maybe you will be relieved for the break (though forced). I am also on a TTC break - after 2 cycles of trying. Last cycle my bleeding did not stop for 20 days (PCOS acting up) so Ive been put on synthetic progestin for at least one cycle (and maybe upto 3 dpeending on what OB GYN says). It is frustrating to wait but at least the bleeding is over and its a forced break from the stress of TTC.


At 12:39 PM, Anonymous Amber said...

God what a blow, I know how eager you were to focus on doing something and not having to wait.

Sorry hun really am........

At 8:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Again,I am so sorry. I know that feeling- the only thing that gets you through a miscarriage is the thought that you will be pregnant again and any delay in trying makes things so incredibly hard emotionally.My first OB had a miscarriage before conceiving a baby she had right before I started seeing her.She actually said it point blank, "the only thing that will make you feel better is to get pregnant". Not politically correct but so true.The pain really hits when there is nothing to focus on.
You are a woman of many talents & this may be a time when you are forced into concentrating on the artistic side of yourself. It is not a cure but it is a help-when you are ready to.....Although I know many have already begun to forget your pain,I have not and will be checking in on you often,I will also be hoping for non-medicated pregnancy in the meantime..I know odds aren't the best but would love to have you be able to tell the Dr.'s to stuff it.

At 12:59 PM, Blogger Feebee said...

Thanks everyone for your kind words and thanks for not forgetting about me!

I know we can try on our own for a couple of months (and we will - I'm afraid taking time off is a psychological impossibility for me), but I also know each stage of the rollercoaster so well, and can't face the thought of it - working myself into a frenzy of hope and excitement, and then the inevitable agony of AF. Ugghhh.


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