September 11th 2006Our baby died last night. There was no heartbeat at a scan this morning. S/he measured 11w5d, there was some bleeding around the head and the placenta had become detached. The fact that the placenta had been attached means that we had actually reached that magic milestone, the "safe" stage.
I had some pains yesterday but put them down to stretching pains. Started bleeding at 6am, went for a scan at 9am. Was prepared but didn't really expect it. S/he looked so perfect, just sleeping, but I knew straight away. Have D&C tomorrow.
It's just one of those things, 1/1000 chance and nothing to do with our infertility. We've been told to wait for 2 cycles but I know that's not going to happen. Waiting for fertility clinic to call me back about next IUI, really hoping we can do it by November.
I always said I could handle another miscarriage and I can. (Although I don't feel comfortable calling it a miscarriage, the baby was waving to us less than a week ago.) I know how to handle it, I know only too well how to keep my head down and wait out the next month or so until we can start trying again. Same old same old. And I do appreciate the fact that we've been able to have a baby, even though it didn't last very long. I have been happier in the last few months than I had been since we started trying, so I know we've been lucky in a way.
I still have one more night with my baby, and even though its heart is not beating, it's still comforting to be together. It was one year to the day since our last baby died - September 11th 2005. Lucky I'm not superstitious.