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Friday, October 27, 2006

You are what you write

It turns out that infertility post-miscarriage is not just about picking up where you left off. I had thought it would be easier because "at least you know you can get pregnant". And yes, I am hopeful for subsequent treatment cycles. But there is a cloak of sadness, both protecting and hiding me from the outside world, that wasn't part of last year's post-miscarriage collection. Occasionally the cloak comes off and I feel like standing up, naked, and screaming "See, I'm not like other people".

That's what's changed. Before I was a normal person suffering the knock-back of infertility. I was (or should I say, we were) infertile, I was not "an infertile". Now I am little else.

I gained a colleague this week - a successful, outgoing, friendly guy, full of enthusiasm for his work, and for his 6 month old daughter. It's like looking into the mirror of what might have been, had our May 2006 baby made it.

And yet I don't feel like a failure. In my work and my social life, sure, but in life, no. I don't feel like a failure because I know I've done everything possible to help us have a baby. In fact, I feel like a successful infertile - from miscarriage to IUI in less than a year! I should write a book. I should write a book.


At 10:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually you should write a book, it would be so helpful for other women to read.
TTC can be such a mystery for so many people and being able to read all the technical stuff combined with the real life elements from someone who understands it would be great.


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