Fall down, stand upI am feeling nauseous, dizzy, have sore boobs, heartburn, headache. Simple explanation, I have been spending too much time holed up in my bedroom, eating crap and sobbing my little heart out.
It is CD2.
From 12th September I had been living for last week. I just had to hold my breath until the end of November and then I could start breathing again. I could start to mourn my little baby from a comfortable distance, with the safety net of pregnancy to keep me from hitting rock bottom.
The safety net failed and I fell.
Rock bottom is a place of contradictions. The only way is up, but it is difficult to get a foothold. Most of the time you just slide back down, each time losing a little more confidence. Maybe I will never climb back out, maybe I will look for a back door.
Maybe I am talking shit. I called my old clinic today, just a back-up plan. Why does someone who has given up need a back-up plan?