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Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Fall down, stand up

I am feeling nauseous, dizzy, have sore boobs, heartburn, headache. Simple explanation, I have been spending too much time holed up in my bedroom, eating crap and sobbing my little heart out.

It is CD2.

From 12th September I had been living for last week. I just had to hold my breath until the end of November and then I could start breathing again. I could start to mourn my little baby from a comfortable distance, with the safety net of pregnancy to keep me from hitting rock bottom.

The safety net failed and I fell.

Rock bottom is a place of contradictions. The only way is up, but it is difficult to get a foothold. Most of the time you just slide back down, each time losing a little more confidence. Maybe I will never climb back out, maybe I will look for a back door.

Maybe I am talking shit. I called my old clinic today, just a back-up plan. Why does someone who has given up need a back-up plan?

7 Comments:

At 6:16 PM, Anonymous lisau said...

Hey Feebee,
Giving up does not happen so easily.
I am definitely not trying at the moment but would not say for sure that I have given up.Also- I am absolutely still mourning my baby,maybe time heals all wounds but if so its a LONG time.
This is a hard time,and I wish you
healing.
Many hugs,
Lisa

 
At 7:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Adding more hugs, wish I could do more.

Derv

 
At 4:59 PM, Blogger Becki said...

I'm starting to get discouraged also. If you hold on, I will.

 
At 5:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and wishing things were better.

xLizzy.

 
At 5:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi again,
My name is Heidi. I wrote you once before introducing myself as a surrogate mother. I got my test results back and they were negative. We will try again in 2 weeks and then wait another excrutiating 2 weeks for results. I am so sorry for your negative result. Please hang on.

 
At 1:14 PM, Blogger Feebee said...

Thanks girls.

Lisa - hugs to you too. It's hard to believe that both of us have been so unlucky. Let's just hope that time heals all wounds, although I seriously doubt it.

Becki - sorry to hear that. What stage are you at now?

Heidi - sorry to hear you news, hope next time works out for you. Do you mind me asking who you are being surrogate for?

 
At 5:01 PM, Anonymous amber said...

Feebee,
Hang in there.
Hugs
Amber

 

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