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Friday, December 29, 2006

Hardcore, you know the score

I start the BCP as soon as AF arrives with an early Feb date for egg collection. I feel a little startled, a tad bruised and a tiny bit unsure. I know IUI didn't give us a baby, but it did get us to 12 weeks and if I wasn't impatient and impetuous by nature then I'd probably give it another chance. But there is a far bigger mental barrier for us to overcome - if we start straight away then we won't get to try out DH's new improved sperm and it will feel like everything he went through was a waste. (DH had a varicocele ligation - removal of varicose vein from his testicle - during the summer while I was pregnant.) At the time we were doing it for the future, for subsequent children, and that is still a valid justification for doing it, but what if it is good enough to work now?

Ho hum, bring in the big guns or keep living the dream?

The process of IVF isn't that big a deal to me. If someone had offered it to me 18 months ago I would have grabbed it. Apart from ovarian pain, I haven't suffered side effects from Clomid, Tamoxifen, FSH. I don't feel any stigma attached to anything that we have to do to have a baby. The financial side is a concern, although not prohibitive. It's just, well, I was really looking forward to giving this cycle everything we've got, the old-fashioned way.

Of course we could take this cycle off, do our thing, and go for a March/April date instead. But I'm on the train now, maybe I should just stay on for the ride, keep the momentum going. And if it doesn't work, we will still have super sperm to look forward to.

4 Comments:

At 12:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I say go for it.
Fuck it. You want this and all the good thoughts that you had about dh's new levels will still be valid next year, no? I don't think you are being impatient, just determined, and sometimes thats what it takes to move things along.
Sometimes you have to kick throught the darkness to get to the light.

Ex

 
At 5:31 PM, Anonymous Discreid said...

Good luck Feebee, I know you'll throw everything you have at ivf too so there's no one out there with a better shot!

One thing though, I start sniffing tomorrow, that should be about 21 days ahead of you cycle wise... but my ec date is 2nd Feb. Are you sure of an early Feb collection date? Just a technical q., I'm sure you're doing the right thing.

 
At 6:20 PM, Blogger Feebee said...

D - I know the dates don't add up exactly but I haven't been given an actual date yet, the nurse just said they had a couple of free dates in early Feb. I start BCP tomorrow probably, sniffing on day 21, so should bring me up to the 2nd week in Feb. Or maybe I'll have to wait until the following cycle. Will find out on Tues. Good luck with your sniffing tomorrow!

 
At 7:49 PM, Anonymous Discreid said...

it sounds bizarre doesn't it?! Can you imagine a mental picture of women desparate and with no other hope to cling to going around sniffing!?!?!?!?? Sniffing?!!!!!?! What a word! Most people only have to choose between doggie, woman on top, or good old missionary!

Anyway, yeah, for you mid Feb sounds about right with an edd of mid Nov! Please God this time next year you'll have a baby on your boob. Good luck, again, I think you're making the right decision!

 

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