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Monday, February 12, 2007

You gotta laugh

I've started sniffing. It's a 3 times a day inhaler that's designed to put me into menopause over the next week and a half. The idea is that my body stops all egg production of its own accord, so that I start with a clean sheet for stimulation. That way, when I start the stimulation injections, all eggs will start to be produced at the same rate and hopefully will be ready for egg collection at the same time. But that's another day's work - I just sniff for now, so I don't even have to contemplate what to do with the 200 or so syringes I found in my big box of tricks last week.

We had good fun with the syringes. I pulled out about 40 needles, DH gasped, I found another 60, then another 20 and we started to giggle. Oh how we laughed by the time we'd emptied the box; what an adventure this is going to be.

It reminds me of the time a couple of weeks ago when I turned to DH and said "but do you think couples with 3 children and loads of money are any happier than us?". At least we can still laugh.

8 Comments:

At 4:18 PM, Blogger charupton said...

Hi Fee Bee
I noticed you also frequent the SO CLOSE website, so I clicked on your link and ... I just spent the entire afternoon reading ALL your blogs from when you started your The Waiting Game until today's sniffing blog. I read your story and it could just as well be mine. Except that I don't yet have a child at all. Just wanted to let you know that I might be on the other side of the planet (South Africa) but I'll be rooting for you with your fertility treatments. There are a handful of us on the planet who can really empathize. Who have been there, done that. Who really understand. I am one of them, and I will definitely be thinking of you and HOPING with you that your journey ends well.

I have secretly started fertility treatment again too. I say secretly, but that's not really true. For the past five years we've been walking the infertility treatments road... very openly, which as you know gives other well-meaning imbeciles "permission" to give you all their unsolicited advice. Well, I've started treatment again, and this time I'm not going to be sharing that titbit of info with family and friends. They must be so sick and tired of hearing me say "please pray for me - I'm trying again"... I can see the irritation on their faces and hear their impatience when they say they will be thinking of me. What goes unsaid is the "when will you just accept the inevitable and stop trying?"

We hurt. But we can't let go. Every month is perhaps THE MONTH. Every month that passes is one more month that my body-clock has tick-tocked it's way past an opportunity to grant my heart's desire.

But still we keep trying. It's the love for our future children that drives us, I think. It's the desperation that our dreams might never be realized that fuels our ability to pop the next pill.

And so we face another day. Maybe today is the day? Just maybe.

So, here I am, wishing you your heart's desire. Wishing that your dreams for a family of four or more might be realized.

Hold thumbs for me too?
With a heart bleeding for you...

Char
Durban, South Africa

 
At 4:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trust me, after a while injections are like falling off a log. Plus if its a chice between a needle or a baby, then..

Hope the menopause finds you well!
Ex

 
At 10:46 PM, Blogger Feebee said...

Char - every time I hear a new infertility story it breaks my heart. And you write it so well. I truly hope this one works out for you - I will hold thumbs for you too. The South African nurse in my clinic says that to me. Keep in touch and let me know how things work out for you.

E - have you done IVF? Have you mentioned this before???

 
At 9:50 AM, Anonymous Discreid said...

Hey, you gotta laugh, cos you can't cry. No more tears allowed. Only tears of happiness.

Char, I just wanted to reach out and say I'll hold your thumb too if you want. I'm holding thumbs with Feebee over a year now and there's no finer lady to be in this nightmare with.

Feebee, the box breaks down into manageable pieces and - eventually - the bags of needles diminish. All worth it in the end.

 
At 11:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry, just to qualify, I am diabetic so have been injecting for years.. No IVF experience (just low level infertility)

xE

 
At 7:34 PM, Blogger Feebee said...

E - sorry, soon after I posted that I remembered that you'd told me. I didn't find the IUI injections any trouble so hopefully I will get through these ok. The main thing I'm worried about is remembering what to do when!

 
At 10:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

maybe set a phone or something? I have found in my experience, that it becomes second nature to anticipate when you should be taking meds.. Even now, and I am on 7 injections a day, they are at different times of the day, so I still think "oh, I should be doing my insulin.." when I have already done it iykwim..
Can I just add, that dh of yours.. ..hope he got a big kiss for such a beautiful message yesterday.

xE

 
At 5:15 PM, Blogger Feebee said...

Yes he did!

Have set phone but keep forgetting to have it around for the 4pm sniff. Every single day something has prompted me to look at the time around 4pm and only then I've remembered. Like now! It's 4:12pm - time for a sniff.

 

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