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Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Another long night ahead

I spent most of the day sitting at home, waiting for the phone to ring. It didn't. I called several times and eventually got to speak to a nurse. They have asked for my blood to be retested as the results were abnormal. Not abnormally high, just wrong. She was reluctant to give me any information but I kept asking questions. My E2 was normal but my FSH came back as 1. So I will have to wait until tomorrow for some answers.

I have spent one day of each of the last three weeks waiting for the clinic to call with news that could change our lives. I think today was the hardest. I have shed more tears over the possibility that we will never have another child than I did over the ones we have lost. I have felt more lonely and cut off from other people than I have ever done in the past.

Maybe I am being melodramatic. Maybe I should locate that ever-hopeful part of my brain and focus it on that magic number 1. I mean, what's the worst that could happen - that it was supposed to say 10? That testing straight after a miscarriage is not a good idea? For now I am going to focus on the fact that it wasn't 20 like I was expecting.

7 Comments:

At 7:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh Feebee I think that is hopeful. Hugs to you and your family now. you arent alone
x

 
At 8:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh F, I just don't know what to say.. But as the previous poster says, you are not alone even though it might feel like it right now.
Hopefully tomorrow will bring better news
E

 
At 6:51 AM, Blogger Adrienne said...

Feebee, I hope you get the right answers you need tomorrow.

 
At 9:44 AM, Blogger Feebee said...

Thanks girls. What would I do without you?

 
At 9:44 AM, Anonymous Discreid said...

So your e2 was normal? That's good right? Certainly fuel for the hope pile anyway.

Just wanted to remind you, lest you need reminding once again, that I'm here if I can do anything at all for you. A coffee, a chat, anything.

 
At 11:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Those results are definatly better, if you look at http://www.fertilityplus.org/faq/hormonelevels.html#female
anything < 6 for FSH is excellent, and your LH is normal too. I wonder why they vary so much?
Anyway, get up, go out, do anything even retail therapy, waiting for a phone call is awfully depressing, if they call they will leave a message.
Try to dig deep and find that hope, its there somewhere.

 
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