Another long night aheadI spent most of the day sitting at home, waiting for the phone to ring. It didn't. I called several times and eventually got to speak to a nurse. They have asked for my blood to be retested as the results were abnormal. Not abnormally high, just wrong. She was reluctant to give me any information but I kept asking questions. My E2 was normal but my FSH came back as 1. So I will have to wait until tomorrow for some answers.
I have spent one day of each of the last three weeks waiting for the clinic to call with news that could change our lives. I think today was the hardest. I have shed more tears over the possibility that we will never have another child than I did over the ones we have lost. I have felt more lonely and cut off from other people than I have ever done in the past.
Maybe I am being melodramatic. Maybe I should locate that ever-hopeful part of my brain and focus it on that magic number 1. I mean, what's the worst that could happen - that it was supposed to say 10? That testing straight after a miscarriage is not a good idea? For now I am going to focus on the fact that it wasn't 20 like I was expecting.