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Sunday, April 01, 2007

Bob Hope and no hope

With all the excitement of IVF and miscarriage, I didn't have time to dwell on the small matter of being a poor responder. So when the reality finally hit home yesterday, I located my bloodwork results from 18 months ago and googled them for the first time.

LH: 2.5
FSH: 4.6
E2: 487

That is not a typo. That is FOUR HUNDRED AND EIGHTY SEVEN. I have, in writing, confirmation that my results are all "completely normal". Dr Google tells me that, not only is my E2 off the chart, but my LH is also indicative of premature ovarian failure. Why has nobody ever pointed this out to me??? I could get angry but I just don't have the energy.

My short, erratic cycles, my 8 day luteal phases, my multiple miscarriages, and most damning of all, my two measly eggs collected - it looks like I am coming to the end of the line. Is there any hope? Please tell me if you think there is. I can't live without hope.

I mentioned donor eggs before. That was when I still had hope. I am too stifled with disappointment now to contemplate a next step. I just can't believe this is happening.

I had blood drawn yesterday, day 2. I should get the results on Tuesday. As with my last blood test, I have no hope of a positive outcome.


At 11:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think we are both battling some of the same thoughts.

What do you do with crappy ovaries that don't produce eggs? Donor eggs or not?

What is the next step?

Thinking of you.

At 12:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I understand that need for hope. Here's my shot at providing some. Have you ever considered alternative therapies like acupuncture? It can help with correcting cycle/hormone issues and also to help maintain the quality of the egg. I started acupuncture treatments after suffering 3 miscarriages and reading about 'The Infertility Cure' - quite a promise in that title. It also REALLY helps you relax and calm your mind. With what you're going through, some forced relaxation could be beyond beneficial.

I'm still on my quest to figuring out why I can't maintain a pregnancy. I have hope. I have to have hope. I hope that you find hope again.


At 3:20 AM, Blogger DD said...

Has your clinic always used basically the same protocol with you, just upping dosage a little each time?

If so, it's time to pursue either a different protocol or a different doctor (if you still want to use your eggs).

At 5:12 AM, Blogger Adrienne said...

Different doctor, definitely. The high E2 could be suppressing your FSH number, making it look better than it really is. That's not the end of the road, though. But you need a doctor who will think more creatively about your situation.

At 7:02 AM, Blogger Bumble said...

I'm sorry I don't have any idea on the hormone levels, just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you. Hope the next results are better x

At 1:00 PM, Anonymous Discreid said...

Here's hoping for a better result on Tuesday. I wish, I mean, I was about to type, "I can't believe..." that you didn't get proper feedback on the last results but I know who you were with back then so I'm afraid to say I can believe it. Still, I'm very angry on your behalf, all that time!!!

There is always hope Feebee. Give the flare protocol your best shot before you abandon hope.

At 1:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I second Discreid. Thinking of you and wishing you babies and peace of mind.

At 10:38 PM, Blogger Feebee said...

WO - I have been doing acupuncture regularly for over a year now. Since June though I have been doing it specifically to coincide with IUI/IVF dates and not to improve my cycles. I am going again on Wed so will ask about that. Best of luck with your own situation.

DD - that was my first IVF and it was a huge shock to have such a poor response as we have thought for over a year that our main problem was male factor. My doc has proposed the flare protocol for our next (and possibly last) IVF but I need to talk to him again in more detail as I need to make sure he is taking everything into account.

Thanks to everyone else for taking the time to send a message.

At 9:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think the best thing you can do is go in and talk to them; explain your fears and ask about a tailored cycle for you and your circumstances. I know you trust your current Drs., so place that trust at their door and see what comes back. Remember, you are an expert patient now, and know what you are talking about.

I know what its like to have a crap body letting you down. Rage against it for now.
Thinking of you

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