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Monday, April 30, 2007

Keep on truckin'

Nope. Really, what was I thinking? Very silly of me to dare to dream.

We will get there, one way or another, and when we do we will be the happiest family in the world. I can't wait. In the meantime, I just have to make the best of what we've got.

I'm not taking the piss! I really am ok!!

I think I have finally crossed over to the other side. I'm no longer a normal person who's been given a raw deal for no apparent reason. I am, or should I say we are, a couple with a serious medical condition that leaves us unable to conceive or to carry a child. It is probably the worst blow we could have been dealt, the hardest obstacle we may ever have to overcome. But we are still here, still getting up in the mornings, and still getting on with life in a fertile world.

And every time I look at my darling, beautiful boy I know I'm the luckiest mum in the world. If I did have another couple of children by now, as planned, then there's no way I'd be able to spend as much time with him, and we have such a laugh together. He's a real little comedian. He shouts "Hello Daddy" to passing men in the street and then we both crack up laughing when they look confused. If he hears someone swearing in the street he repeats the word over and over and shouts "Mummy, that man said ****", and then we giggle as the person looks terribly embarrassed. We spend a couple of days every week, just the two of us, doing fun stuff together and he always says "I love doing things with you, we have fun". So thank you infertility for giving me a special relationship with my gorgeous boy.

When the time comes, he will be a big boy. We will do it together, all three of us.


At 2:10 PM, Anonymous Discreid said...

A very nice description of the positives of secondary infertility. I feel the same way, I've a special and close relationship with my child (not suggesting that people that don't suffer from infertility don't!) But I do wonder would we have had as much fun together if all had gone to plan and I had two more since I had her! Can't see how!! :-)

At 2:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah Feebee, know that feeling, AF was a day late for me last week and my boobs were so heavy and sore I was sure this was it and that I wouldn't be taking the clomid but of course AF arrived..I too feel that the upside to no siblings for DS is the extra time we have to devote to him but this is tempered by DS asking me as he did on saturday if we could pray to holy god for 2 sisters and 3 brothers for him!

At 2:35 PM, Blogger DD said...

It's similar moments where I actually forget about IF and the pain and the waiting.

At 3:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah Feebee..sorry to hear that.

And a lovely tribute to J. He is a fine young man and a credit to you.

Gilly xxx

At 11:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am sorry Feebee, I had so hoped for you.

Enjoy your time with your little one!

At 9:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is such a wonderful tribute to your son Feebee; isn't he lucky to have a mummy who 'gets' his sense of humour!!
It sounds to me as if you are out the other side of the grieving process; I am hoping (for all your sakes) that acceptance makes life a bit more bearable in the coming months.

thinking of you as always

At 10:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

he sounds like a great little chap- you are v lucky indeed. I hope some day to be able to enjoy moments like that with our child...hoping we make it that far...

At 1:05 AM, Blogger Bumble said...

That's a beautiful post about your little man. He sounds adorable!

So glad you're feeling better too x

At 4:10 PM, Blogger Adrienne said...

I'm so sorry that this month's DIY didn't bear fruit. But I'm glad you're finding the blessings in your life. That's my new outlook as well.

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