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Friday, May 11, 2007

Learning to live with it

Today is the first anniversary of our second child's due date. I should be running round like a blue arsed fly (with a bump?) making cake and getting the house ready for an influx of toddlers. Part of me feels ripped to pieces but most of me just feels, yeah, whatever. It's just one of many dates that I could beat myself up over - miscarriages, due dates, failed treatment cycles, birthdays, Christmases, Mother's days, they're all reminders. But so is every pregnant woman that walks in my line of vision, every child that has a sibling, every bit of "good news" that happens to someone other than me. So what's the point?

A lot of people who haven't been through what we have talk of guardian angels that protect them from harm, a god that makes good things happen to them. Good for them, but I don't have that - I take on that role myself. We aren't going to have a baby because an angel in heaven is looking down on us; we will have a baby because we will keep trying every avenue that is open to us until our baby arrives. And then we will do it all over again!

In the meantime we have a life to live. Lots of things to enjoy and look forward to.


At 3:49 PM, Blogger Adrienne said...

Sending you a bit internet hug on this anniversary, Feebee. It never gets easier, but we do "learn to live with it."

At 3:49 PM, Blogger Adrienne said...

I mean "big" hug!

At 3:52 PM, Blogger DD said...

We keep going and living as a tribute. That's how I look at the circumstances. And remember...because it's really the most I can do.

I'll be thinking of you.

At 2:01 AM, Blogger Bumble said...

I'm sorry you weren't planning a birthday party instead. We'll make it through this, we're determined and won't let pesky IF stop us dammit. We are bigger than it. Hugs x

At 11:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

HI feebee, was thinking about you last week, and what a tough week it might be for you..be good to yourself.


At 10:24 PM, Blogger Feebee said...

Thanks everyone. We (I) have decided to become the anecdotal couple who went through 5 years and 10 IVFs before they finally hit the jackpot. So we will definitely get there in the end.

At 1:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know this may never be read but I know in my heart it needs to be written. God is real and He hears the prayers of those who believe in the salvation of His Son, Jesus. Over two years secondary infertility, been through the drugs, IUI's, injections, all the steps, currently IVF. Don't know the outcome but have peace knowing God does and He cares. You can find peace of heart and soul in the Lord and although I have never lost a child I have several close friends who have and I know they would tell you the same. FYI: Yes, it still hurts in my soul everyday but I take comfort in the Lord.

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