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Monday, June 25, 2007

You just haven't earned it yet, baby

Baby is gone. I'm heartbroken. I really, really loved this baby, could touch it, smell it, feel the letdown as I fed it.

I tried everything to hold on to my baby - Heparin, Prednisolone, progesterone, aspirin, high dose folic acid, acupuncture, hypnotherapy, visualisation, PMA, rest, relaxation, hoping, praying, begging, pleading. I visited our babies' grave and asked for guidance but couldn't help feeling that they might be wondering why this baby should get to live when they didn't.

All I can do now is pray for an early bleed so we can try again. Are you looking at me with pity? What chance does the infertile woman who's had five consecutive miscarriages have?? Why can't she just be grateful for what she's got??? What doesn't she just adopt????

When we started IVF, my doctor said to me "Brave women are generally rewarded". So we'll keep going.

15 Comments:

At 2:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

feebee, there is really nothing I can say to you.... you know I am thinking of you though.

sadie

 
At 2:26 PM, Anonymous Dorra. said...

Feebee,
Gutted for you - Can't believe this is happening to you again.

Dorra.

 
At 3:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Feebee

I hope you are "generously" rewarded. You deserve it so very much.

Dee 1 (MM)

 
At 3:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Feebee

I hope you are "generously" rewarded. You deserve it so very much.

Dee 1 (MM)

 
At 3:26 PM, Blogger Derval said...

Feebee, So sorry to hear this sad sad news.

 
At 3:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Still can't believe this is happening again to you....

Take care hon,

Mia(01101 MM)

 
At 4:17 PM, Blogger Girl Grissom said...

FeeBee, no words left...
Just thoughts - you are in my thoughts.
So so sorry.
GG

 
At 9:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Feebee
I'm so sorry.
portmom (mm)

xxxxxxxxx

 
At 9:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can't believe it feebee. I was so happy to see your update at the weekend. I hope your reward comes very soon. xxx Sarah

 
At 10:51 PM, Blogger My Reality said...

Feebee, I am so sorry. This just isn't fair.

 
At 11:22 PM, Blogger Carol said...

oh gosh, so sorry again. You are brave. And you will be rewarded - some how, some way. I admire your strength.

 
At 4:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Feebee, I just can't believe this again. No pity, just sad for you and praying for you. Kitty x (MM)

 
At 3:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you are the bravest of them all

 
At 4:47 PM, Anonymous amber said...

sorry feebee, sitting here with my new baby son and i am blown away by all you have been through, you have earned a positive result please god it will come soon.

 
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