A final requestDear God or whoever,
For two and a half years I have been as good as gold. I have followed every piece of medical advice I have received, I have made countless sacrifices for my family and I have tried to be considerate and helpful towards others. I have done everything I could possibly have done to try and have a baby, and despite the psychological toll, I have put on a brave face most of the time. I have worn my brave face to christenings, birthday parties, weddings, even when it has meant toilet breaks to let the tears flow.
When our first baby died, I thought these things happen, this is my turn. When our second baby died, I tried to focus on the positive things that had come from knowing her. When our third and fourth babies died, I concentrated on the fact that IVF had worked for us against all the odds. The fifth, sixth and seventh babies were unexpected and only with me for a couple of weeks, I congratulated myself on becoming pregnant the old-fashioned way and hoped I would never need IVF again.
This time I have run out of excuses, of explanations for why one baby's death is just a stepping stone towards another's life. This baby is surely my last hope, for every possible reason. So please God or whoever, please look after this one and even if it takes a little bit of magic, please don't let this one die.